What do a boss who’s always yelling at you, your mate’s over-spending habits, a cluttered house or office, tight shoulders and a ho-hum (or bad) relationship have in common?
They’re all tolerations, those little or big things we put up with-often without realizing it-that sap our energy and drain our life force.
Every time we tolerate something, we deplete the energy we could be using to make desired changes or to simply experience joy in our life. It’s like living with a low-grade fever or pain that somehow dulls our experience and zaps our full vitality.
Any of these sound and feel familiar?
Ughhh. He’s left his clothes all in a pile-again!-Zap!
I hate it when she treats me like that. Zap!
Another piece of paper I don’t know what to do with. Zap!
I’ll just have to accept I’ll always be fat. Zap!
At the root of our tolerations are a variety of limiting beliefs that immobilize us. For example: “That’s just the way it is.” “I’m not worth it.” “Don’t rock the boat-play it safe.” “Don’t complain or be too demanding.” “I don’t have enough time/money/support.”
There are countless limiting beliefs, yet they all serve to dampen our life force and keep us playing small. And, boy, are they exhausting!
Naturally, if we’re constantly getting zapped of our energy from the stress of the tolerances and our limiting beliefs, of course we’re also going to continue to feel powerless and overwhelmed.
This continues the cycle of the limiting beliefs and what we keep tolerating.
If we are committed to feeling better about ourselves, to making changes that will bring us greater peace of mind and happiness, it will greatly help to evaluate and eliminate the tolerations standing in our way.
Here are 5 action steps you can take to shine the light on your tolerations, reduce your stress and find more ease, calmness and clarity in your life:
1. Appraise. Make an honest appraisal of what you are tolerating in each of the areas of your life: home environment, health, work, money, relationships and so on.
Write down everything that annoys you or that you feel you are putting up with. You will likely come up with more than 100 of these tolerations!
2. Evaluate. Examine each underlying limited belief that has kept you putting up with these things.
Examples of limiting beliefs:
My entire family has always had weight issues, there’s nothing I can do about it.
The office will only get messy again-why bother?
There’s nothing I can do about it.
Get support to help you break through them or even to identify them. You may be so close to some of these beliefs that you can’t fully recognize them for what they are.
3. Appreciate. Take an honest look at what you are getting out of keeping things as they are. There is always some kind of payoff for whatever is going on in your life.
What is it you’ve been really committed to?
i.e.: being comfortable; being invisible; not rocking the boat
Who in your life-or what part of you-does not want things to change? Appreciate that person or part, and look for ways for it to be win-win for all concerned.
4. Choose. Based on your values and goals, you get to choose. What will you say “no” to? “Yes?”
Make sure the “yeses” really excite you, or as my colleague Bonnie McFarland says “lights you up”
Be sure the no’s are clear. If you feel unsure about something-it’s most likely a “no”.
i.e: Yes, to having a clear desk for clarity and lightness! (mine)
No! for feeling drained every time I see the clutter and disorder!
Commit to making them real!
5. Plan. With the support of friends, family, coach or your hypnotherapist, (!) develop a strategy for eliminating these tolerations.
You don’t have to do it alone-in fact, it’s useful and helpful to partner up or create a support team.
As you eliminate tolerations, you will feel the joy of being at choice, an increase in your vitality and a sense of empowerment.
You will feel the lightness in your step and resonate with the potential and possibilities within you!
Then YOU will be in the driver’s seat of your life…and won’t that be a beautiful and worthwhile ride!
Would love to hear what you are tolerating and what you are committed to changing!