Could you use an Anchor of Calm?

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

Practice Calm Before You Need It

The holiday season seems to begin earlier every year.

Before Thanksgiving arrives, calendars begin filling, invitations appear, sweets and special foods become more available, and expectations start accumulating.

Much of it can be enjoyable. And it can also bring more decisions, responsibilities, social gatherings, disrupted routines, and pressure to make everything special for everyone else.

That’s why now is a good time to begin practicing a few simple self-care tools—not after you’re already feeling overwhelmed, but before.

The more often you practice a calming response, the more familiar it becomes to your mind and body. Then, when stress or anxious thoughts begin to arise, you have something supportive to return to.

Here are three practices you can begin using now.

Create a Calm Breathing Anchor

Begin by taking a slow, comfortable breath in to a count of four. As you breathe in, gently bring your thumb and forefinger together.

Pause briefly.

Then slowly breathe out to a count of eight as you release your fingers.

If those counts don’t feel comfortable, shorten or adjust them. This isn’t about breathing perfectly. The important part is allowing your exhale to be slow, comfortable, and longer than your inhale.

Continue for several breaths, bringing your thumb and forefinger together as you breathe in and releasing them as you breathe out.

The physical movement adds another dimension to the breathing practice.

You’re pairing the calming breath with a specific touch, giving your mind and nervous system both a physical and mental cue associated with slowing down and settling within.

With regular practice, this repeated connection can become a powerful anchor.

You may eventually notice yourself bringing those fingers together when you want more inner calm—sometimes before you’ve consciously decided to do it.

The gesture itself begins to remind your mind and body of the calm response you’ve practiced. Instead of having to figure out what to do when stress begins rising, you already have a familiar path back to yourself.

Picture a STOP Sign

Sometimes stress begins with one thought—and then another and another—until your mind feels like a train moving rapidly down the wrong track.

When you notice that happening, imagine a large, bright red STOP sign.

See it clearly in your mind and allow it to interrupt the momentum of those thoughts.

Then pause and breathe.

This isn’t about pretending a concern doesn’t exist or forcing yourself not to think about it. It’s about interrupting the bombardment of stressful and anxious thoughts long enough to give your brain and body a break.

When we feel stressed or threatened, the parts of the brain responsible for thoughtful decision-making and perspective can become less accessible. This is sometimes described as the prefrontal cortex—or our “thinking brain”—going offline.

The imagined STOP sign, followed by a calming breath, creates a pause. That pause can help you feel more grounded and begin reconnecting with the part of you that can consider what you truly want.

Once you’ve paused, ask yourself:

Are these thoughts helping me right now?

Where are these thoughts taking me?

What do I need in this moment?

What would be a more supportive thought or next step?

Interrupting the pattern gives you an opportunity to move from automatically reacting to responding with greater intention.

Visualize and Mentally Rehearse Your Desired Response

Athletes have long used visualization and mental rehearsal to prepare for competition. They imagine themselves completing the movement, staying focused, and responding successfully before the actual event takes place.

Actors rehearse, too.

They practice their lines, movements, expressions, and ways of responding until they can step convincingly into the character they’re portraying.

Their rehearsal becomes so familiar and natural that we, the audience, believe in the person we see before us.

We can use that same ability to prepare for everyday experiences.

Bring to mind an upcoming holiday situation that could feel challenging.

Perhaps it’s walking into a gathering, being surrounded by tempting foods, responding to a difficult comment, protecting time for yourself, or saying no to one more request.

Instead of imagining everything that could go wrong, begin visualizing yourself responding in a way that supports you.

See yourself pausing before answering.

Imagine taking a breath, making a thoughtful food choice, setting a calm boundary, stepping outside for a few quiet moments, or remembering that you don’t have to do everything perfectly.

Notice your posture, your facial expression, and the tone of your voice.

Hear yourself saying what you want to say calmly and confidently.

Then imagine the moment afterward.

How might you feel knowing you responded in a way that honored what you genuinely wanted?

Perhaps you feel calm, capable, relieved, or proud of the choice you made.

Mental rehearsal helps make a desired response feel more familiar.

You aren’t trying to control every detail of what will happen. You’re allowing your mind to practice a supportive possibility before you need to use it in real life.

Begin Before the Busyness Builds

You don’t need to practice all three tools at once.

Choose the one that feels most useful and begin there.

Practice it during ordinary moments, when you aren’t especially stressed. Those repetitions help make the response more familiar and easier to access when holiday demands begin to build.

Calm isn’t only something we hope will appear when we need it.

It’s something we can practice and cultivate.

Which of these three practices would be most helpful for you to begin using now?

I’d love to hear what came to mind. Share your thoughts in the comments below.

These practices are examples of the practical tools I teach my clients and share in my book, The Stress Relief Toolbox: For Women Who Take Care of Everyone But Themselves.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE STRESS RELIEF TOOLBOX

A Quick Note

I’m currently taking a planned break from client and clarity calls and will resume calls the week of November 16.

You’re still welcome to email me while I’m away. I’ll be checking messages periodically and can arrange a time for us to connect after I return.